Monday, January 10, 2011

Nate, are you OK? Wake up!

"Gurstelle and Oliveira distinguish a state which they call daytime parahypnagogia (DPH), the spontaneous intrusion of a flash image or dreamlike thought or insight into one's waking consciousness. DPH is typically encountered when one is "tired, bored, suffering from attention fatigue, and/or engaged in a passive activity. The exact nature of the episode may be forgotten even though the individual remembers having had such an experience." Wrap your head around that, or at least attempt to. Sometimes as I'm falling sleep my ADD will tangentially slingshot and leapfrog to very negative ends thus "not helping" me not have those happen. Or when I'm doing something terribly mundane a bad memory, not triggered, will come right up front in mind and literally shake me. There are times when I have multiple thoughts in my head when it happens. For example, when I was having one, one day where I could hear/see/touch/smell a person I had not seen for a long time, and part of me knew they weren't really there, so my mind was torn in thought; "relax, enjoy this, nothing is wrong, catch up with them" and "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" And I would wake up, fall back asleep, the person would still be there, and it repeated 15x, it was very terrifying. The more I tried to stay awake the easier it was for me to get exhausted attempting to do that, so I'd just go right back. (mentioned above)They aren't voices, they are conflicting dichotomic and sometimes even trichotomic intruding thoughts, like my subconscious is split, or it's fighting my unconscious mind. Hell if I know. Apparently when bad experiences happen I groan and shake, my hands tighten up, my arms get tighter to my body, and my head shakes back and forth with the rest of me twisting that way. I say this because my parents have told me that, after they woke me up. I usually wake up with a jolt and a strong exhale. Pam is usually dead asleep to the world so she has absolutely no idea whats going on when it does happen. When it happens in my own bed, I'm not certain my brother even notices across the room since he's so tired from working his two jobs. And no, meds haven't helped anything as far as that goes.

Another [two?] post[s?] I will eventually get to: "There is a misconception about leaving a church that I would like to clear up. Just because someone leaves a church, does not mean they left God." -Lisa Bertolini, creator of

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