by School of Seven Bells (done back when both twins were still in)
Sometimes I go whole days listening bored, half sleep
I won't say anything
that's worth a thing to me One day,
suddenly, time took a turn that once felt so brief
I blinked to see polite ghosts fading quickly
What begins as an
unguarded train of thought slowly can become
an addiction
to the slumber of disconnection
and resonance of
memory that no longer has a shape
but keeps you numb
through the hours till gone's another day
Be aware, my darling
these things I say I mean are just
traces of something
I long to feel again I see
our time expand in the air almost forcibly,
spreading thinner till it dissolves completely
What begins as an
unguarded train of thought slowly can become
an addiction
to the slumber of disconnection
and resonance of
memory that no longer has a shape
but keeps you numb
through the hours till gone's another day
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
I DON'T KNOW, DRIVE!
Think of people saying this:
"You need to get out [of the house] [more]."
Now repeat it every week since summer of 2009.
Add my therapist onto that.
Now add on my parental dynamics;
"Mom, can I go to _?"
"Yeah, sure.
...
Wait, ask your dad."
"You know he's gonna say 'no,' I'd just prefer to ask you so you can say 'Yes,' then I can leave."
"You have to go ask him."
"Fine. To the rejection I go."
"Dad, can I go to _?"
"Did you pay for your car insurance?"
"That was rhetorical."
"Then you can't go _ or anywhere."
"..."
Usually it's not even worth asking.
Now, depending on the situation, my Dad sometimes does not care if I go out to improve my mood when I'm feeling really bad. It semi-depends on how far I go. He doesn't care about the ammo I burn through. When I got back he asked "So, how does it shoot?" ("it" referring to the handgun I received for Christmas 2010) He didn't complain about me driving (read as: using gas) out there till three days later.
But HAHA! Success! (If any of you have heard Kate say "SUCCESS!" the tone is exactly like that, but not the same volume) The family had dinner plans. Sis had a class to go to, thus, she was going to AVC. [insert window of opportunity opening with angelic light and song] So after dinner we went to AVC. Tonight was Silent Games Night. It's a social event for Sign Language students at AVC. I got to see a close friend (really surprised me at first, had to do a double take to even make sure it was my close friend) as well as seeing a good friend. I hadn't seen both of them since last year. I got to talk with my good friend for a long time. We had a lot to catch up on since not seeing each other for so long. We talked well past the time the event ended. I also saw an acquaintance whom I don't dislike in any way/shape/form, I just get frustrated by her. We were both being friendly to each other as polite adults to (granted, it was in public/semi-crowded room) and gave me a hug (that was a surprise). I would've liked to talk to both the acquaintance and close friend, but they both had to leave early. And yes, I AM talking about you overtly without using your name by being generally specific.
"You need to get out [of the house] [more]."
Now repeat it every week since summer of 2009.
Add my therapist onto that.
Now add on my parental dynamics;
"Mom, can I go to _?"
"Yeah, sure.
...
Wait, ask your dad."
"You know he's gonna say 'no,' I'd just prefer to ask you so you can say 'Yes,' then I can leave."
"You have to go ask him."
"Fine. To the rejection I go."
"Dad, can I go to _?"
"Did you pay for your car insurance?"
"That was rhetorical."
"Then you can't go _ or anywhere."
"..."
Usually it's not even worth asking.
Now, depending on the situation, my Dad sometimes does not care if I go out to improve my mood when I'm feeling really bad. It semi-depends on how far I go. He doesn't care about the ammo I burn through. When I got back he asked "So, how does it shoot?" ("it" referring to the handgun I received for Christmas 2010) He didn't complain about me driving (read as: using gas) out there till three days later.
But HAHA! Success! (If any of you have heard Kate say "SUCCESS!" the tone is exactly like that, but not the same volume) The family had dinner plans. Sis had a class to go to, thus, she was going to AVC. [insert window of opportunity opening with angelic light and song] So after dinner we went to AVC. Tonight was Silent Games Night. It's a social event for Sign Language students at AVC. I got to see a close friend (really surprised me at first, had to do a double take to even make sure it was my close friend) as well as seeing a good friend. I hadn't seen both of them since last year. I got to talk with my good friend for a long time. We had a lot to catch up on since not seeing each other for so long. We talked well past the time the event ended. I also saw an acquaintance whom I don't dislike in any way/shape/form, I just get frustrated by her. We were both being friendly to each other as polite adults to (granted, it was in public/semi-crowded room) and gave me a hug (that was a surprise). I would've liked to talk to both the acquaintance and close friend, but they both had to leave early. And yes, I AM talking about you overtly without using your name by being generally specific.
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