Update, my meds for controlling/dampening exacerbated mood swings and triggered upstarts work really really well. As I just had a very particular conversation with my parents that I felt that if I wasn't plugged with neurochemical balancers I would've broken down.
Since last year I've been having an issue of my brain/mind just totally stopping, coming to a halt. The train of thought goes over a broken bridge, goes zooming down, and crashes into such tiny pieces that it can't be recovered. It's really bad to attempt to get my mind back up and running after it's stopped like that. Side issue is where I can't convey ideas/concepts to other people I'm talking to. The word either; spoken, signed, written, or typed just isn't there. It's like I'm grabbing at a straw, put it in my hand, look back at the pile to pick up another, pick it up and put it in my empty hand when there should've been a straw there.
I am postponing a very particular post that I keep mentioning cause I cant find the words and phrases I want to use to tell the story and explain the situations both past and current.