Will explain later

SUCCESS! kinda...

So, my neuropsych finally got ahold of me today (apparently my cell number was hand written, it has 2x 9s and 2x 4s, thus who ever wrote it has terrible number writing and it was confusing). Someone at her office hadn't sent the report she had filed for giving me a copy of it that she sent to the insurance. She said that I will need to go back to my clinical psych (the one that did the initial evaluation and told me i had depression) to get a Comprehensive Psycho-diagnostic evaluation from, and then have Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to then be able to fix most of my issues. She also suggested I go to a neuropsychiatrist (gives meds based on wtf is going on in my head as far as synapses misfiring/damage and not just neuro-hormonal balance).
PROGRESS!
Will be going over problems (horrible symptoms) I have been facing within the past year + months (will be as discreet at possible on some details for identity protection, if i even mention them at all).

Going to the psychologists' and how my insurance really pisses me off

Trying to find a Neuropsychologist is rather difficult. Finding one that's on my insurance plan is far harder, finding one decently close, is even harder. But then I found Persona Neurobehavior Group! Got an appointment back in June, on the 23rd at their Long Beach location. I saw a Clinical Psych, I had been keeping track of symptoms and other things, and I printed my psych journal for her to read, she said I had a minor form of depression. Wont go over any symptoms or specifics of other occurrences in this post. Anyway, she said I needed to see a Neuropsych. Closest one is in South Pasadena, and shes only there on Thursdays, thus, I had to wait a good long while (Aug 5th) to see her. Issues with how this played out; insurance only covered me for 2 hours. She gave me as many as we could go through in that time. She concluded that "You have above average cognition and cognitive speed. I wish I could do more tests to pinpoint just what is wrong. I also wish I could've tested you before your TBI, 'cause if you can tell you're slower now, for being as fast and sharp as you are with these tests now, I'm really curious how fast you were before." "Me too." I still have other tests to do that she told me about, that insurance said in lawspeak/legalese; "She says you're better than fine, fuck off for more testing."
My immediate reaction when I got the letter my insurance didn't clear me for more testing is similar to as the image below:

And so it begins... again. 'cept this time for real, and I mean it!

Where to begin... Graduated from AVC Spring '09 with Deaf Studies AA and AutoCAD Drafting AS. Didn't have all transfer units completed, so I knew I would have to take one more semester at AVC (joy). A day or so before my birthday (May), I went to my allergist for my yearly evaluation/checkup. Doc noticed both nasal passages completely inflamed and plugged my nose up tight (air tight). Usually, this would be from a sinus infection and would clear up once the weather/plants weren't in cahoots to kill me. According to him this wasn't quite that nice. Had me come back a month-ish later (don't remember many details why). Anyway, said that since they didn't go down at all, that I should get a CT scan done to see how extensive the inflammation was. So I went to AVOIC, had my CT scan done, and went home. A few days later, I got a call from the allergist saying "YOU NEED TO GET AN MRI, AS SOON AS YOU CAN!" "OK..., I'll make an appointment." "I will call ahead to see you get one sooner." "OK, thank you." Had an MRI done, because MRI have sharp clarity where as CT are more fuzzy with details. Allergist said that "it's extensive, and you'll need to have an E(ar)N(ose)T(hroat) specialist/surgeon look." That was SO reassuring. I don't remember when I saw my ENT spec in summer, but he said they were called "sinus polyps" gave me a prescription for a fun (slightly mood altering) steroid to get the inflammation down, by A LOT. But that still wasn't enough and I would have to have surgery done to remove them/it all. The damage was so extensive that he wasn't sure if he could get them/it all out from just my nose, and may have to cut the top of my skull, pry my brain up out of the way, and drill straight down into my forehead from my brain pan (almost brain surgery, woo!). So I was then sent to a neurologist, and he did a physical exam of my balance, coordination, spatial awareness, not sure if there were other things, but he said I was fine for what had happened. Which was slightly reassuring. After I had been on the anti-inflammatory steroids for awhile, I went and got another CT done at the ENT so they could look and see where all the bone was, and how much I still had intact. My ENT said that he could get them all out via my nose, and nothing drastic was necessary. The sinus polyps had grown so slowly that it pushed against the bone is such a way that when it regrew/replenished it was physically reshaped. Now, the polyps could have grown in several different directions/axes (plural of axis). Straight forward and pushed my forehead into a funny shape and disfiguring me most uncomfortably, down onto my eyes/optic nerve causing blindness, down against my upper palate and changed the way my jaw moved and affected chewing, back and slightly down into several glands (that would've been really bad), but they grew straight up and back pushing the bone of my sinuses expanding them into my brain case straight up and slightly back causing rather decently large dents into my brain. Now for those of you who haven't taken psychology 101, those parts of the brain are known as the frontal lobes, and are quite important for human beings. The problem with the polyps is they grew so slowly that nobody knows how long I've had them, could've started growing in 2007, could've started around 1998. Nobody knows. My brain just responded by restructuring/rewiring itself as the pressure slowly grew to accommodate the synapses being compressed. I had surgery on August 12, 2009 (weeks? before fall semester started), and things have not been the same since. My ENT said that he was removing ones the size of his thumb (the dude's 6'2" not small thumbs). Since then the pressure against my brain has been gone, and the possibility of synaptic tearing (imagine pushing a sponge together really tight, and then pulling it apart slowly as it begins to rip, its kinda like that). Since my frontal lobes have been damaged how I was as a person (many different facets of my being) in the past isn't the same as how I am now, and I can't go back, no matter how much I want to and try to. I write down things that happen to me on a day-to-day basis of "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" in a psych journal. To put it in my own way; my brain got raped by a baseball bat, and my mind is paying for it. Will expand on some things later, and/or correct the rambling to me more structured. Meh, right now I need to figure out how to copy CT and MRI scans easily to Black&White images.
Next adventure; Nate goes to the psychologists', and his insurance royally fucks him over!

For whom it concerns a lot about.

I know I haven't made this worth anything up at this point, but I will be done with classes on Dec. 9th. I should be starting my long posts about what all has happened since May of '09 around then. I may continue to post on this as a regular thing (daily? weekly?), I may decide not to. I may share what is in my psych journal about the symptoms I deal with on a regular and not-so-regular basis, I may not. I may start doing something with my youtube page concerning this, or separate from this, I don't really know. All I have decided is that I want the rest of world to know what happened, and why I'm not quite the same as I was before. I might even use this as an outlet at my frustrations with humanity as a whole (just because I can). We shall have to just wait and see what the future holds.

And so it begins...

I barely even remotely remember why I made this, other than to make a quasi-public journal for my friends (and family) to see. And type up what's happened over the past years and few months about my brain and how its affected my mind.

The things I am about to put forth are thoughts running through my mind at that instant. Those thoughts may change within a day, or even a year.  A video or image I saw, or a song I was listening to.